


Lovely

by ScaliaFics94



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Cockroach Mechanic, F/M, Maven - Freeform, murven - Freeform, murven au, the raven and the cockroach
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-20
Updated: 2018-10-03
Packaged: 2019-07-14 15:50:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16043621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScaliaFics94/pseuds/ScaliaFics94
Summary: MURVEN AU: After witnessing her best friend and her ex kissing at a party she flees to the bathroom to be alone. When John shows up he makes it impossible for her to do that. But not once did she ask him to leave. One-shot. Possible two-shot. Dedicated to Wrenxlinde and Murvennkru on Instagram. Mine is @zaven_murven





	1. Chapter 1

This song for this one-shot is Billie Eilish ft Khalid - Lovely

RAVEN'S POV:

I stood in the middle of a jock's party with my heart in my throat at the sight of my best friend's tongue down the throat of my ex of two weeks. All of the times I thought something was going on between them and they assured me otherwise were all lies. This had to be a joke. They wouldn't do this to me.

His arm went around her waist to pull her closer, he got very much into the kiss.

My stomach turned from the drinks I had before. I had enough sense to make a run for the bathroom, barely making it to the toilet in time as the vomit poured out of me. Eventually, it stopped, but I had no will to go back out into my sunken place. So I flushed the toilet and sat on the lid.

Tears dotted my eyes while traitorous emotions swirled in me. How could they? I wasn't even over him. The only reason I came to this dumb party was to maybe get him back. And she knew that! I wanted to be angry at them, but all I could seem to feel was dismal. I wanted to cry. I tried to cry, but I dried up apparently. Dismal was replaced by numb.

What was I going to do? Where would I go when I had a problem? Clarke had been my best friend since high school so I needed her. Finn, I could do without. Had they'd been seeing each other in secret for a while now or had it just started? If it just stared why wouldn't she tell me?

Rain splattered the bathroom window from the outside. Several minutes passed of my mindless thinking before the door opened.

My hands quickly wiped my face, I looked down so my hair would form a curtain.

"Oh, sorry. I didn't know anybody was in here." A guy said.

I sniffed. "It's okay, I'll be out in a minute."

"You okay?" His deep voice inquired.

I nodded, but I wouldn't look at him.

"Honestly, it doesn't seem like you are."

I almost wanted to laugh at that, but I dismissed him. "Honestly, I'm fine. So you can go."

What should've happened was that the door should've closed after him. The door didn't close.

Thankfully, he didn't walk over to me. He put himself somewhere in the room. "Typically when girls say they're fine it means they're not fine. So want to try that again?"

I really wasn't in the mood to have company but I didn't tell him that for some reason. Instead, I pulled my legs up onto the toilet to lean against them, then I twisted so I faced the window to my left.

"I just saw my ex and best friend making out. Boy am I a fool." I sighed.

"That's it?" He taunted.

My eyes rolled. "What do you mean that's it? My Friday was already kind of shit on top of this. Does someone need to die to impress you?"

He grew quiet.

For a while, I thought I offended him but he asked, "You don't want to impress me. Trust me."

I stared at the white tile of the shower. "Why should I trust you?"

"You shouldn't trust anybody, eh. What's your name?"

Telling him my name wouldn't do any harm. I could also give a fake name.

"Raven." Fell from my mouth without meaning to. "You?"

"You can call me John."

Generic enough. I wondered if he was lying.

"So are you going to share with me your hard knocks life story or is this going to be all about me?"

From the sound of it, he slid down against the wall, probably near the towel rack that faced the sink because he chucked one my way. "Here,"

I caught it and wiped at the runny mascara. "Thanks."

"Are you a nice person, Raven?"

That kind of caught me off guard. Was I? Most people would say I was decent. I helped tutor high schoolers in Math and Science on Saturdays. I always tipped at least forty percent because we had the money. I kept to my small group of friends, a group that I would now have to reevaluate and diminish.

I hesitated. "I think so,"

He exhaled loudly. "Good answer. Anyone who says yes without a second thought is lying to themselves."

"I agree." I balled the towel up in my hands. "What about you?"

"Am I a good person? No, not even a little bit."

My head shook. "I don't believe that."

He chuckled. "This outta be good. Let's hear it."

There was some temptation to turn around to look at him so I could convince him with my eyes that he wasn't bad. It hurt my heart when people didn't believe in themselves. But I didn't turn around. Talking to him was easier when he didn't have a face. Eden University was huge so I doubted I'd ever meet him again. For some reason, that made me want to be as truthful with him as I could.

"You're still here talking to me." I pointed out.

"Yeah, well...I needed a people break." He sighed. "And you're easy to talk to."

A budding smile tugged at my lips. "Why'd you need a break from a party? Why not leave?"

"Why didn't you?" He challenged.

I rolled my eyes. "Because I had to barf. What's your excuse?"

A moment later he slid a bottle of mouthwash my way. "It's kind of my party."

My eyes widened. "This is your house?" He was one of the jocks? God, this little conversation would be all over campus Monday. I swished some mouthwash around in my mouth.

"Relax, I'm not going to tell anyone about this. I'm not in a talking mood anyway."

He was a head scratcher for sure.

"Then why are you talking to me?" I asked after I spit it into the toilet.

He ignored my question again and said, "This ex of yours, you still like him?"

I stiffened. "Woah, I'm not on the rebound if that's what this is."

"Between you and me, I couldn't get it up right now if I tried. Plus, I wasn't asking for me."

Oh.

Why couldn't he get it up? He didn't seem drunk or even tipsy.

"Are you going to answer my question?"

I shrugged. "Why? You don't answer any of mine."

We stayed silent until I broke it with a sigh.

"Fine, I don't know. I sort of came here to get back together. Or try to. Now that's not in the cards."

"What do you mean sort of? Either you did or you didn't." When I didn't answer he went on. "If I was in your shoes and my logic was 'sort of' I wouldn't want to be in anything half-assed. How long did you date?"

My heart didn't even ache over the loss of Finn, it ached at the loss of what we had.

"Almost eight months."

"Eight-" He cut himself off. "You're telling me that you came to my party to almost get back with some dude you dated for almost eight months."

"Yeah, why's that so hard to believe?" Annoyance rang in my voice.

"I don't know. You don't strike me as the kind of girl that almost does anything."

I narrowed my eyes. "From the twenty seconds you've known me?"

"Sometimes when you know you just know." He said nonchalantly. "So do you still like him?"

Did I? From the looks of our conversation, it didn't sound like I was even invested in trying. Digging deep was something my mom had always suggested I do when I was at a crossroads. Everything was still so fresh so maybe that'd have to wait until later.

"I'm going to take your silence as you're over the loser."

"Hey," I was going to defend Finn but he didn't deserve it. "He a hoe, not a loser."

He laughed. "I've seen a lot of man hoes in my day, especially at this party. I already know what you're going to ask. Am I a man hoe? Yes. Yes, I am."

I grinned, a small laugh left me. "You're perceptive. So what am I going to ask next?"

"If I have a girlfriend." There was a smile in his voice. "The answer's no but I'm not looking to be anybody's rebound. I've got more self-respect than that." He joked.

"Ahh," I went along with him, but I noticed my grin hadn't faded yet. "If I ask you a question will you answer it?"

"Depends on what it is,"

I wanted to ask him something big but I could tell he didn't like focusing on himself so I went with what I considered a lighter topic.

"What sport do you play?"

He laughed. "You came to my party and you don't even know who I am, do you?"

I nodded with a smile. "Yeah, don't people do that all the time? I'm sorry, was I supposed to bring you a gift of some kind?"

"Not necessary this time."

My brow arched. "Is there going to be a next time?" I wasn't really a party type, I could count on my fingers how many I'd been to in my twenty-two years.

"Was this really a one-off, Raven? My next party after we get tired of everyone we can do this again."

Tempting.

"Don't tell me you're not enjoying yourself a lot more since I walked in."

Well, he'd taken my mind off of things. Instead of thinking about Finn and Clarke I was picturing him in my head. Most of the time when you talked to people you either knew them or could see them for the first time but it was like we'd made a conscious effort not to look at each other.

"Now you're thinking about what I look like right?" He asked.

My heart thudded. "How'd you know that?"

"I've always been good at reading people. Yes, I have a cute butt. No, my face isn't symmetrical.

I grinned to myself.

"Somehow my winning personality makes up for everything." He said in a very self-deprecating way.

I shot up. "You're really pessimistic, you know that?" I slid to the floor and laid my head on the tub.

"I thought I was a good person."

"You can be both." I challenged.

He mumbled something that sounded like, "It's a little hard to be both." He seemed down himself but I still didn't think he'd share the heavy stuff.

"You never told me what sport you play."

"Do you really care?" His tone a bit teasing.

I found myself grinning against the cool porcelain of the old-fashioned clawfoot tub. "Not really. I figured you'd divulge the inner workings of your dark mind if I warmed you up first."

"No need to dirty talk me, Raven. I'm an open book."

"Oh yeah? Then why are you really in here?"

The quiet bounced between us. I didn't want to be the one that broke it this time.

"If I told you then you'd think I was a bad person."

I sat up. "Try me."

He probably talked himself out of sharing a few times before he told me, "My dad died today." He let his words hang in the air before he continued. "I didn't have the best relationship with him. He treated my mom and I like shit. He wasn't ever there when I needed him." The words spilled out of him as if I gutted him with a dagger of truth. "He got his act together a year or two ago, started helping pay for college even though I didn't want him to. My mom kept insisting that I give him a second chance but I had when I was younger and every time he failed us, failed me."

My eyes stung in tears because I could see where this was going.

"I wasn't going to ignore him forever. I just needed more time, then maybe we could've had the relationship he kept trying to forge. And now..." His voice cracked. "He's gone." He didn't have to make a sound for me to know he was crying.

I knew he wouldn't want me to see him cry so I scooted over the wall adjacent to him. My hand slid around the corner to his testingly until my hand covered his slightly chilled hand. I watched the interaction carefully, the contrast of my Latina skin against his White skin was beautiful.

He didn't pull away. Even when I tossed him the towel he gave me.

I faced forward to let him compose himself in peace.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have dumped that all on you."

"Don't apologize. Hearing a jock cry was very rewarding." I inappropriately teased.

He surprised me with a laugh. "You're hardcore. I like it." His hand suddenly felt hot under mine.

"John?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm sorry about your dad." I now understood his somber outlook on life a bit better. The poor guy threw a party to assumably escape the pain of losing someone he never really had and from the looks of it, it hadn't helped.

His hand turned upside down and entwined with me. "Thanks."

My heart spiked at the unexpected feeling at the change in contact. If I pulled away he'd think it was because of him. So I sat there with tingles shooting up my arm. To take my mind off of it, I remembered why we were here in the first place.

Clarke and I had been tight for so long, I never imagined it would come to a screeching halt one day without notice. If she'd been feeling that strongly about Finn why hadn't she told me? I thought we told each other everything. I thought we were sisters.

This time real tears came to my eyes and as badly as I wanted to I couldn't hold back the betrayal sized pit in my stomach or the sobs that tagged along.

I didn't want to be hugged or pulled to his chest or anything intimate in my emotionally fragile state so I was glad when he didn't do either of those things.

His thumb only ran over the back of my hand.

My heart stuttered. I stopped crying.

His head tilted toward mine like he wanted to look at me, which I only knew because I wanted to look at him. He leaned back with a sigh. "You don't deserve to have shitty people in your life, but if you feel like you can forgive them and start something new then do it."

I blew out a shaky breath. "If I don't?" I wondered how I could be affected by someone's touch without knowing if I was attracted to them or not.

"Then you find someone else and don't look back." His body felt warm next to mine.

I wanted to move closer but I refrained.

"Do you believe in fate, John?"

"If you say we were fated to meet in this bathroom I might have to kick you out." He said sarcastically.

I chuckled. "Not exactly what I meant. What I was going to say was that some people exit your life at exactly the right time for someone new to enter it."

He thought about that for a bit. "You must really think highly of yourself if you think my dad died for us to meet."

I flushed red. "Oh, God. That's not what I meant."

His laugh melted into his words. "I like messing with you, Raven."

Truth be told, I liked it too.

My body felt on edge because now I felt his stare on it. I looked down at our hands, his thumb hadn't stopped tracing circles into my skin. My eyes lifted slowly up his face, past his round lips, straight nose, and up to his stormy blue eyes that were surrounded by dark lashes still a little wet from crying. My breath hitched in my throat.

Dammit. He was attractive. Like as in fantasy fuckboy attractive.

"Fuck, you're beautiful." He muttered, his breath grazed my mouth. He gulped.

That brought a smile to my face.

He returned it with ease. "When you said you weren't looking for a rebound-"

"I didn't mean you,"

He raised a cocky brow. "So you lied?"

Well, I guess I did.

I stared at him, my eyes went to his lips. "Technically."

He pulled me toward him and placed me on his lap.

I gasped.

He breathed in my air. "Say the word and I'll stop." He gazed into my eyes before he leaned forward, his lips moved against mine.

"John," I said in the middle of our kiss.

He pulled back enough to assess me.

"Wanna ditch this party?" I wasn't exactly offering sex, but an escape from the bullshit of our current situation. Then again, I wasn't exactly not offering sex. If my ex and best friend could screw me over then I could screw whoever I wanted.

A slow grin came over his face. "Yeah, I think I'd like that."

The door opened with two people snogging each other's faces off.

My hand went to John's shoulder while trying to get up, but I froze when I realized it was Finn and Clarke.

They pulled apart long enough to register the bathroom was occupied and we were in it.

Clarke's eyes widened as she pushed Finn away. "This isn't what it looks like,"

"Save it," I told them.

John helped me up. He held his hand out.

My hand slid into his. "You two can do whatever you want. Just lose my number. The both of you." I stared between them. My heart beat a mile a minute.

"Come on, let's go," John said into my ear, then tugged me along.

Part of me wanted to turn back to slap the taste out of both of their mouths but I would feel bad about it afterward so I waded through the crowd of people with a nearly complete stranger taking me away from the people that I once called my family.

A/N: This came about because there was a version of the song that was titled '"Lovely" by Billie Eilish & Khalid but you are in a bathroom at a party' on YouTube by Jaurgay_ so I thought it would be interesting to write a Murven one-shot. But I'm thinking this might be a two-shot or even a three-shot, but I don't want to do a long fic cuz I've got already too many I need to update. Let me know what you thought of this below please and if you want it to be a two-shot. :)


	2. Higher Love

The song for this chapter is Alex Vargas - Higher Love

JOHN'S POV:

My hand let go of Raven's once we were under the safety of the night sky. Our breaths seemed to exhale at the same time with our escape of the fake facade of young adulthood.

She looked at me with wide eyes. "What did I just do?"

The cool night breeze settled around us while we stood on the sidewalk.

"You made a choice. Out with the old and in with the new." I trained my voice to come across as nonchalantly as possible but I was kind of freaking out myself.

Her hands ran through my hair. "I ruined it," She bent down to place her hands on her thighs to gather some clarity.

I crouched down. "You didn't ruin anything, Raven. They made their choices. Now it's time for you to make yours."

Air drew in then flew out of her mouth. She looked at me. "I'm going to throw up."

I thought she was kidding until she rushed to the street and projectiled onto the asphalt. I did my best to hold her hair back.

"Do you want me to take you home?"

Her head shook as she stayed bent over. "No, give me a minute." She wiped her hand over her mouth before she stood. "Thanks," Her vomity breath hit my nose.

I walked her to the inner side of the sidewalk and put some distance between us. "We're going to have to get you some gum."

She laughed. "You're a real gentleman, John."

No, I wasn't.

We didn't think. We just wandered with the space between both of us for the other to think aimlessly about our shit predicaments.

"What's your last name anyway?" She looked at me.

"Murphy. You?"

She seemed satisfied with my answer for some reason. "Reyes."

We walked and walked.

"How's your mom doing?" She asked after a few blocks.

I looked over at her at the other end of the sidewalk with the background of strangers lives as her backdrop. She looked way more gorgeous than I thought she would when I stumbled upon her in the bathroom. Her dark hair fell around her shoulders and framed her face almost magically. Her jeans and halter top combo draped her sexily. She looked effortless.

My mouth felt dry. "I haven't talked to her since she told me this morning."

Initially, I didn't care when she told me. I felt nothing in the way of sorrow. Perhaps I was even a little happy. The day dragged on to reveal that my psyche had fooled me and it wasn't something I could push down into my hamper and throw in the wash to clean up.

I had my phone on dnd ever since, only glancing at it occasionally. "It's odd. I know he's dead but I keep waiting for him to call to deliver the news. Strange, isn't it?"

She shook her head. "No. Everyone deals with their grief differently." She ran her hand over a fence. "Do you think you'll go to his funeral?"

That was something I hadn't thought about actually.

She winced and stopped to inspect her hand.

I went to her to see for myself what was wrong. A little piece of wood was splintered into the third notch of her middle finger. I looked down at her with soft eyes. "Why do I get the feeling you're prone to get hurt?"

Something shifted in her eyes. "You don't know how right you are." She picked at her wood but chickened out at pulling the wood from her hand.

"There's a convenience store a block away. I'll get you fixed up." I gave her a half smirk.

She took her hand back, then we got back into our positions. "So you like broken things?"

"What?"

"Broken things." She shot me a look. "You like them because you can relate."

No one had ever said anything so boldly to my face. If we never interacted again after tonight I would remember it for the rest of my days.

"I don't know how I feel about your candor," My hands slid into my pockets. "A little too self-referential for me tonight."

"Oh," She teased. "You can dish it out but you can't handle it." Amusement settled into her features in an entrancing way. "It's okay, I think everyone likes broken things."

Broken was an understatement. Broken didn't even begin to describe my life. Reminiscing wasn't something I liked to do often, it only reminded me that my mom had got the short end of the stick in raising me. She didn't get to fulfill her dreams of being an actress. As she put it, the stars would always be there but I wouldn't. Once I got older I figured out that the savings she accumulated since her high school days intended for acting classes went into raising me. I was the speed bump in her life whether she denied it or not. Her drinking would rear up around the anniversary of dear old dad leaving us every year, she'd get so depressed that she couldn't get out of bed. It only lasted about a month give or take but she wasn't ever as light as she was in my youth. Maybe it dad had stayed she could've taken those classes and could've felt fulfilled. And she wouldn't have beat me because of how much I resembled my father.

Maybe. Life was a bunch of maybes.

The storefront came into view thankfully.

I held the door open for her.

She passed by, her raven hair smelled of oranges. "Thanks,"

"My pleasure." My body followed behind her. I hadn't been so physically attracted to someone ever, that attraction went beyond her appearance.

Her hand tucked some hair behind her ear, then she met my eyes.

Fear sprouted in me that she could see her effect on me, so I cleared my throat and walked over to toiletries section. There wasn't much but there were tweezers.

She stood a foot away from me when the cashier rung me up. Her stared roamed anywhere else but me, I hoped I hadn't made her uncomfortable in any way.

"Have a nice night," I told the man behind the counter.

Her attention came back to me.

I gestured for us to leave, but I didn't make a move for the door to see what she'd do.

As if she knew the test I shoved her way she held the door open without missing a beat. "After you," Her eyes grew a little carnal as she onced me over.

My body felt on display. I made an act of holding my open plaid shirt to my chest.

Her laughter was so cute. "Where to next on this adventure?"

"There's a park around the corner." Her raised brow made me chuckle. "It's well lit. No funny business, I swear."

She stared at me. "Oh, you think I'm scared of you?" Her mouth ticked up in hilarity.

I nodded. "I know so. You're so attracted to all of this that it scares you." I gestured to my body.

"Am I?" Her brow arched.

I was only bullshitting when I said, "That's why you wouldn't look at me in the bathroom. You were afraid to like me."

She shrugged. "You're probably right." She walked ahead through the park and onto the Merry Go Round.

I sat across from her.

She took some of the gum and chewed.

My hand took hers in mine so I as gently as I could work the tweezers into the sensitive skin.

She winced. "Easy,"

I raised her hand for closer inspection. "Come on, you're tougher than that." To get her to relax I asked, "Tell me about your major."

"Engineering. I'm good with my hands."

A smile crossed my face, but I didn't lose concentration on that task at hand. "So you like broken things too." I glanced over at her. "Are you going to be some big hot-shot after you graduate?"

She watched me carefully. "I don't really know. Tonight made me question a lot of things."

Naturally, I would too in her position.

"I'm sorry," The splinter was halfway out. "About your shitty ex and best friend. I didn't say it before. To be honest, I was a little spiteful that that was your biggest problem."

Her hand felt heavy in mine. "Compared to what you're going through, my problem is minuscule."

I paused to study her. "You don't have to discount what you're experiencing to sympathize with others. If the situation were reversed I'd probably be holed up in my room right now with a bottle of Jack and binge listening to Drake." I half grinned. "Besides they're the sorry ones that lost out on having you in their lives, Raven. Not the other way around."

Her smile started in her eyes, then spread across her face.

I liked that smile, it was infectious and revealing. So many people our age were trained to be these fake versions of ourselves with social media and the pressures of being young and able. Raven didn't seem fake.

My attention returned back to hand. I got the last of the wood out with minimal blood. "All done." My eyes focused on the lines on her hand while I wondered who they made her out to be. When I looked up at her she looked reluctant to feel whatever it was that I caused her to feel.

She took her hand back and offered an appreciative grin. "What about you? What's your major?" She sat with her legs crossed.

"Culinary Arts," I said with pride in my chest. "I can make a mean grilled cheese."

"Is that an offer?" She gave a playful grin.

I smirked. "Do you want it to be?"

Her eyes turned expectant. "I asked you first."

Laying some of my cards out, I went with, "Yes."

She simply nodded with a refrained smile, some of her hair ruffled around her with the wind. She bit into her lip in deep thought a moment later. Her gum shot out a few feet in front of us onto the mulch.

My eyes widened at her. "You're bad to the bone, kid."

She gave a coy smile.

Who was this girl and why hadn't we crossed paths before?

"You never actually told me what sport you play, John." She eyed me.

"Tennis," I said to see if she believed me.

From the disbelief in her lovely brown eyes, I could tell she wasn't buying it.

"Soccer," I answered. "But I'm not sure if I'm going to play after this season."

Her head tilted to the side. "Because of your dad?"

"Uhh," I blew out a breath. "Maybe a little, but I haven't been into it lately like I once was." Memories of joy played in my mind. "It used to be my escape growing up. Now that spot's been replaced by making food oddly enough." She was quiet so long I dared a look at her.

"Do you want to know what I think?"

I nodded.

She laid down on her side with her head propped in her hand.

I did the same.

"I think that once you exceeded at your childhood escape you gravitated to cooking because it brings people closer to you. They'd have a reason to be near you, they'd give you some sort of gratification of pleasure that soccer stopped giving you."

Having someone you haven't known for a full twenty-four hours look into your soul so intensely was jarring, but hadn't I done it to her on that bathroom floor? Maybe we were a good match.

"Too personal?" She wrinkled her face in nervousness.

My head shook. "No," My eyes ran over her. "I like it."

Her eyes stayed on mine. "I bet you say that to all the girls." She said teasingly, she twisted onto her back.

I moved closer to her, then laid on my back so that my gaze was on the starry night sky. "Trust me when I say no other girl has gotten into my head like you."

She snorted a laugh. "I thought you said not to trust you."

I grinned. "I did, but you can trust me on that. I promise." My hand grabbed hers because I missed having it against mine. At a second thought, I didn't want to presume that I had the right to do this. My voice came out tense. "Is this okay?"

"Yes." Her voice sounded much the same.

We laid there for a while not saying anything, our eyes on the billions of stars out of our reach.

"Do you believe in the Multiverse?"

I looked at her. "So you're into Comics, huh?"

Hot.

"Yeah, but I still believe in it. What are the odds that there's not another universe out there with other versions of ourselves in it? Like it's got to be the same odds of there not being one out there. We just don't know anything." Intrigue coated her words as if she thought about this a lot. "We won't ever know everything. We won't ever discover the vast entirety of space and time. There's got to be more out there."

I briefly licked my lips in thought. "But what if in the distant future there's a civilization that does know? Maybe not everything, but they've experienced life on multiple planets? Do you think they would do better than we have?"

"Define better?"

My eyes closed for a few moments so I could gather my thoughts. "By now you've figured out that I'm fairly pessimistic. But I prefer the term realist. And realistically, I don't think we've done a great job here on Earth as the human race. I think we failed it."

She chewed on that for a bit, then said, "What if all of this wasn't pass or fail? What if it was just to survive?" She posed.

"Look at what we've done to survive. In this other Universe, do you think they have it better off than us?"

Her thumb ran over the back of my hand. "Suffering is suffering, John. Don't discount what they've been through." She was only half joking when she said it.

I was trying hard not to focus on the feeling of her skin brushing mine continuously and on purpose. I cleared my throat. "These other versions of us, do you think they know each other?"

"Well, I would hope so." She held a grin in her voice.

I grinned to myself. "Do you think they met in a bathroom too?"

"I hope not. That would be weird."

We didn't have to look at each other to know that we were smiling.

She glanced at me. "Do you really think we've failed here?"

This wasn't a light topic for me, it was part of my psychosis. "I think that if we broke it down into percentages the number of people that would fail would far outweigh the number that passed. Look at all the war that's been waged since the beginning of human existence here. Even if there were no actual societies there would still be evil. People would still be murdered, raped, and homeless." I swallowed the lump in my throat. "We aren't the good guys."

"What if there are no good guys?"

We shared a long, intrusive look.

I didn't know the answer to her question, which was kind of the point. For me, it was rare that I could talk about these things with people. Maybe I hadn't tried hard enough, but then again, it was supposed to happen organically. With Raven it did.

Another stretch of silence wrapped around us. Every moment felt fleeting, but we were still present.

"Do you remember when you were a kid and how excited you would get to come to the park to play with your friends? How we didn't have a care in the world because the real world hadn't hit us yet?" I voiced.

"Yes,"

"When was the last time you felt like that?"

Her silence was deafening. "I can't remember."

My eyes closed. "Me either."

Nostalgia for being too young to stress about anything, for having a playfulness that faded with every day sat between us. I wondered if we would feel like this the rest of our lives?

"What's your biggest fear? Don't think about it, just say it." She muttered.

"Being a father."

It slipped out. Even though she implied for me to be honest it wasn't the answer I intended to give.

Her head turned to look at me, immediate tears pricked at her eyes.

We weren't so different. I could tell her fear was ruining things. Mine was centered around raising a child with the same habits that my dad had.

She tightened her hold on my hand.

I gave a sad smile and found that my eyes stung a bit. "I don't have a plan for how it will all go. When it happens, and I want it to happen, I'm terrified of passing the abuse on to my kid. Or worse, I realize I'm not cut out for it and I bail like my dad did and the cycle repeats." I was surprised to feel a tear run down my face because I generally didn't cry in front of people. Hell, I generally didn't emote in front of people.

Having kids was the furthest thing from my mind but I knew that I wanted a family one day, I knew that I wanted to be a great parent, and I wanted to be there.

One moment she was a few inches apart from me and the next she was nestled into my side with her head next to mine and her hand pressed into my chest while I silently cried.

"You're too self-aware to make the same mistakes your parents did. And I think that you want to be the parent that you never had so badly that you'll find a way to make it happen."

"You think?" I asked softly.

She nodded against me. "You're a good man, John Murphy." Her words stuck to my chest.

A bit of pride welled in me, enough to evaporate my breakdown.

"You sure know how to leave an impression." I could sense her smile even though I wasn't looking at her. "So, these other versions of us, what do you think their relationship is?" I asked just for fun.

"Hmm," Her fingers drummed on my chest in thought. "Maybe they're best friends. Or co-assassins. Or they hate each other's guts."

I brought one arm behind my head, the other went around her. "Enemies to allies has a nice ring to it."

Her laughter rumbled into me, her breath teased my neck. "This is not how I envisioned my night ending up."

"You mean you didn't think you'd end up talking to a totally hot stranger at a park in the middle of the night?" I grinned.

She laughed some more.

As out of sorts as it sounded, I could be okay with hearing it for the rest of my life. Granted, if we kept having conversations like these and I got these cutesy butterflies in my stomach at the thought of losing this.

"Raven?"

"Hmm?"

I didn't want to word this in a way that came on too strong.

"I want you to know that if we hadn't met tonight I would be in a really dark place. Being with you right now is terrifyingly peaceful." I took a breath. "No pressure or anything. I just wanted you to know that."

She pushed herself up with her hand on my chest, her face hovered a few inches from mine. She lit up when she was happy and I thought it was becoming my favorite thing about her.

"I can confidently say I can't top that, but I feel the same."

I chuckled. "I do have a way with words."

She looked at me like I wasn't real and I liked that, maybe that was becoming my favorite thing about her.

My eyes went to her lips. Our kiss earlier briefly tingled on my mouth like a memory, one that I hoped didn't fade.

Her mouth leaned down. "I can't believe I know you," She said just before her lips touched mine.

My lips moved against hers, I wanted whatever she'd give me.

"Alright, no sudden movements. I just need your wallets." A random man said from behind us.

We paused, then disentangled to see the hooded figure with a gun in the air pointed at us.

My instincts told me to shield Raven at all costs as we cautiously stood.

"Don't try to be a hero." The mugger told me. "Now hand over your wallets!"

I didn't want to die and I didn't think death was worth holding onto a wallet so I slowly reached for mine. I glanced over Raven to make sure she was okay.

She didn't move to give him what he wanted. From the stock stillness of her body, I couldn't tell if she was afraid or disobedient. While her rebel attitude was hot, I didn't want to have to scoop her brain matter off the Merry Go Round. Not tonight. I couldn't handle another death tonight.

"Hey, give him your wallet," I whispered for some reason.

Instead of obeying she walked forward slowly with her hands raised. "You ever shot anybody?"

"You want your boyfriend to find out?" He aimed the gun at me. "I don't want any trouble, I just need your money."

My heart raced in my chest. "Raven,"

"I don't think you have," She moved closer to him.

He stepped back and waved the gun between us.

"Because if you did then you'd know that the safety is on,"

A look of sheer panic crossed his face, then she skillfully disarmed him and bashed the end end of the gun into the side of his head so that he fell to the ground.

She ripped the hood away to reveal a handsome older black man with skin as a dark chocolate. She dropped the gun.

"What the hell?" I said breathlessly.

She jogged over to a nearby trashcan to dispose of the items because she was a better person than that man, she knew if she left either of them with him in his condition that if an officer of the law found him it was over for him.

For some reason, I didn't feel like talking to her right now. So I walked past her.

"Hey," She walked after me.

I ignored her and kept on.

"Are you mad at me for getting us out of that situation?" She asked incredulously from beside me. When I didn't answer she grabbed my arm. "John," She said sternly.

I came to a stop. "I'm not mad at you for getting us out of that. I'm mad at you because there could've been a version of events where the safety wasn't on. And I think I know you well enough now to know that you would've done the same thing." I exploded. "Life is always hanging in the balance. You put yours at risk tonight when I needed you."

Her eyes softened. "John, I'm sorry. I didn't think about it like that." She let out a heavy breath. "I was in a situation a few years ago where I could've been killed and it made me feel weak."

I felt guilty for the tears that brimmed in her eyes.

"After that night I promised myself that I would never feel helpless again in danger. It's not who I am anymore." She burst into uncontrollable tears.

"Shit." Putting my petty grievances aside, I pulled her to me in what I hoped felt like a safe embrace. "I'm sorry,"

She cried into my chest.

After only knowing her for about two hours, it hurt. I wanted to take it all away. That's how I knew I was gone for this girl.

She dried her tears after a few moments to compose herself. "Could we get some food?" She wouldn't look at me.

I nodded. "Yeah, what do you want?"

Her arms folded across her chest. "Anything. I'm starving."

We crossed the street to get to the sidewalk.

The sound of crying came from a lonely parked car. A young white boy sobbed in the back seat, his voice carried easily through the slightly cracked window.

"Daddy, I'm hungry." He rubbed at his eyes and got choked up on his own cries. "Daddy!" He looked at us for a short moment, then went back to yelling in his hunger pangs.

Raven and I shared a knowing look. Without missing a beat, she pulled out her wallet and slid a few bills through the crack in the window.

My emotions got caught in my throat at her actions. Maybe we hadn't failed after all?

Something took over me to do the same. So I did.

We stared at each other, then walked forward.

The air had turned a bit chilly.

I took off my flannel and placed it over her shoulders. "Cheesy, I know." I brushed it off.

She looked at me in respect. "I didn't think so." She turned her gaze ahead and slide her arms through it which warmed my heart.

The air rose goosebumps on my skin, but I thought warm thoughts.

It was barely past twelve-thirty so I knew one of my favorite spots would be open.

We settled into a booth at the busy late-night diner. Students and townspeople alike littered the establishment. It was a good spot.

Doris spotted me and walked over with a suspicious grin. "Murphy, who's this lovely lady?"

Raven looked at me, probably questioning why Doris and I seemed to know each other. She held a hand out. "Raven Reyes. I go to school with 'Murphy'."

Doris nodded. "Well, don't let him get you into any trouble." She teased.

Raven blew out an incredulous breath. "It's a bit late for that." She gave a small laugh.

Doris made a noise of approval in the back of her throat. "You're usual?" She looked at me with gleeful eyes but I knew she was dying for more details.

I nodded. "Please."

Raven looked at me across the booth. "What's your usual?"

Doris laughed. "A lot of French Toast with a lot of bacon."

She nodded. "Ohh, that sounds good. Can you make it two?" She looked at Doris like she held the fate of the world in her hands.

"Two fatasses coming up." Doris scooted down the aisle.

Raven's eyes crinkled in laughter.

God damn was she beautiful.

She blushed a bit under my gaze.

That made me smile.

"So you must come here a lot?" She looked around like it was her first time here.

"Wait, you've never been here?"

Her eyes went to the ceiling. "Define 'Been'."

I leaned forward on the table. "Alright, so what do you do for fun if you don't like to eat good food?"

She gave me a tight but entertained expression. "I have fun. I like working on things around the apartment, taking them apart and putting them back together just to know that I can." Her passion seeped into her words. "I can get lost in a project for a few hours and not think about anything else in the world." She leaned her elbows on the table. "And I take weekly self-defense and MMA classes. So if I need to, I could kick your ass underneath this table." She said playfully.

"I'm not even going to lie, that would be so hot."

She narrowed her gaze at me. "You do seem like the type to get off on that." She dismissed it with a laugh.

I looked at the couple that walked through the door and the smile fell from my face. "Try not to turn around."

Of course, she looked anyway.

The two traitorous people headed our way.

"Fuck," She said under her breath.

I stood to my feet and glared at them. My arms crossed my chest. "She doesn't want to talk to either of you."

She sighed. "She can speak for herself," She scooted out of the booth. "But he's right. You don't want to be around me right now."

The blonde looked the most remorseful of the two, so much so that she teared up before she high tailed it out of there. The guy looked between Raven and me in speculation.

I took a step forward. "Did she not make herself clear? She doesn't want to see you, asshole."

His jaw clenched, but he backed away with a parting look at Raven.

She sighed. Her hand went to my forearm.

I sunk into the booth beside her. One arm rested along the back of the booth and the other on the table, projecting a barricade between us and the rest of the world. "You okay?"

She nodded, her eyes met mine before she brought her hands my face and she kissed me with importance.

I wasn't sure if it was a test kiss if it supposed to mean something more than what the others meant, but I made sure that she'd remember me.

When our food came I stayed beside her. We ate in between our laughter and conversation that flowed too easily between us. Turned out we liked a lot of the same shows and music. So much so that we stayed in that booth talking for an hour and a half. When it came time to pay I wanted to take care of it and so did she so we split it.

We hadn't really talked about what it was we were doing. If it was something we wanted to pour over into the next day and the day after that. Although, that's what it felt like was obvious. But regardless, it wasn't stated so it turned the air between us awkward once we were standing on the sidewalk, not sure what our next move was.

"Do you think they've been all left by now?" I voiced. The party seemed so far behind us that it felt surreal that that's how all of this started.

She shrugged. "Barely, it's not even two." She covered a yawn.

The thought of going back to my apartment to either still be in the midst of those people and to clean up their mess sound absolutely horrible. Some brave part of me asked, "I know this is a bit forward but do you mind if I crash on your couch for the night?"

She looked at me, assessing if I had an ulterior motive. When I passed inspection she said, "Not at all." The night air got to her, so she snuggled up in my flannel and damn if it wasn't the cutest thing I'd seen all night.

We made our way to her place in no time. It wasn't that far from the diner so it was extremely funny to me that she holed herself up in her safe haven instead of perhaps grabbing the occasional late bite to eat as most college students tended to do.

Her hands shook a bit as she unlocked her door.

"I'm not going to bite you, Reyes," I assured.

She waved it off but I could tell her nervous hadn't left her at my looking into her home life. It wasn't supposed to go this far but I was so very glad that it did.

I walked around, trying to piece together any more info about her I could from her belongings on display.

She brought me a blanket and pillow from her room. "Do you need anything else?" She met my stare.

My head shook. "Thanks,"

"I'd offer you something else to sleep in but I don't think you can fit into my nightie."

I raised a brow. "I don't know if it would be horrifying if I could."

She laughed at my lame attempt to get her to loosen up. I wanted her to know that I wasn't in her space because I wanted something from her that she didn't want to give. Quite honestly, I did want to sleep.

She gave a small wave before she retreated to her room.

I let out a sigh as I sat on the couch. Coming here might've been a mistake. I think I scared her.

Getting comfortable on the foreign couch proved a bit harder than I thought, but I knew I would get more rest here tonight than I would've at my place.

Minutes ticked by of tossing and turning. Then her bedroom door opened.

I froze.

"John?" She said testingly.

I sat up to face her and my heart skipped a beat at her in nothing but a t-shirt and underwear. If she needed me to go I understood, it couldn't be easy to fall asleep with a strange man in your home.

She walked over to me with her eyes locked on mine and extended a hand.

My hand wrapped around hers as I stood and let her lead me to her sleeping quarters.

A/N: I'm thinking this needs one more chapter to wrap it up. Thoughts? :)


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